Hi. I'm an Orangutan and I’m Awkward. I’m the Awkward Orangutan. What is it that makes me gracelessly bumble my way through life? I wish I knew. It seems like every decision I make backfires.
For example, one time I saw this sign that said “Plasma” and I thought I was going to get a really great TV. Instead they stuck a needle in my arm and thanked me for my donation.
Another time, a friend of mine decided to go vegan so she could save animals. So I bought her some gummy bears that said “vegan” on the label. But as it turned out, those gummy bears were made from palm oil, which contributes to the deforestation that is chipping away at my habitat. I know vegans don’t eat eggs, but I sure had egg on my face.
Oh, and let’s not forget the time I thought I was doing something awesome by supporting a charity that was all about supporting wildlife like myself. Well, I sent in my contribution and they sent me back a really cool stuffed animal. Well, as it turns out, all I really did was buy a really expensive stuffed animal. Now I know what my mother meant when she said I had stuffing for brains.
I don’t really know why I never seem to get anything write... I mean right. I don’t mean to make excuses for my near-constant floundering, but you gotta admit, watching your home disappear is a pretty big distraction. It’s like seeing something you can’t take your eyes off of, and you end up walking right into an open manhole.
Maybe if everybody stopped using palm oil products, and the rain forest were allowed to grow back, I could get back to my true vocation: lecturing on quantum physics and Russian constructivist art.